Anxiety sparks Inspiration

I honestly have no clue what has been going on with me lately. I have found myself in some sort of emotional, anxiety infused slump. I have battled this as long as I can remember and have been told by more than one therapists I have strong OCD tendencies. When I met Chris he was so relaxed and fun and I was/ am so uptight and particular. For a few weeks now I have been feeling blah but filled with jittery nerves. I thought this would be a good time to let go of having to have a clean house all the time, or letting the kitchen go until the morning/afternoon. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! This did nothing but make me feel worse, twitchy, jumpy, drained, nervous, irritated, agitated, and simply anything but happy.

All of these feelings made me honestly reflect where I am and where I want to be as a person for myself and for my family. And simply I want it all. I want a clean house, to do lots of home cooking, to be home with our son, to be the best spouse possible, to be fun but to keep all my odd ticks,workout, look good,  and to start looking for schools to complete an education and have something to do when my little guy eventually goes off to school.

I do much better in life with a full plate than a bunch of unused idle time. When I thought about what I wrote in my yearbook as to where I would be in 10 years I said " married, with kids, and that I would own a spa" I basically have two of the three things I wanted to accomplish so well done Sam (pats self on back) But I have done nothing for myself career or education wise.

Cosmetology was my life, my passion, my happy place in high school. I graduated with good grades and I was pretty good if I do say so myself. But when I went to college I never found the time to take the state exam....DUMB GIRL!!! Now seven years later I have the burning desire again to go back, study hard and take the exam all while getting my education is Aesthetics. Now I am feeling  inspired, and searching schools, gathering as much information as I can ( I wouldn't be me without lists, and notes, and research and more lists and a ball of excitement, nerves and yes, even dread in the bottom of my stomach)

 I am thankful for all of the anxieties I have been feeling because it has sparked a fire in me that I was too afraid to light for so long. It has made me reevaluate my outlook, my purpose, my overall self.
This little mama is going to make her dreams come true even if it takes me another 10,20,30, even 40 years. I have a supportive man in my life and a good set of support outside of him now that I did not have before. I have an amazingly beautiful son who shows me everyday that you can be whatever and whoever you choose, he is my greatest lesson in life.