I hate you, I never want to see you again and other things my son says to let me know I'm doing it right

I hate YOU
I never want to see you again
you're the meanest mama
you never let me
you always tell me no for that



Just a tiny list of things my kid has said on a semi regular basis that gives me that shoulder pat of a job well done.


My kid is 4 so if I say no to guzzling a pez dispenser for breakfast I am then the anti Christ.
It's all typical kid stuff that mom's have to say no to, bad food choices, too much tv, more toys especially when asked every time we go somewhere, mouthiness and disrespect, pushing bed time back.....the list goes on and on and on of things as parents we need to regulate.


I know he is mad when he stomps up the stairs screaming and telling me how terribly awful I am, and that is ok. We are both setting boundaries, and he has every right not to agree but he must take his howler monkey screeches elsewhere and he knows that.

The thing is I don't consider myself crazy strict for the most part it's all good in our hood, but the truth of the matter is I am raising a boy who someday will be a man, and it is my job and his dad's job to teach him the most valuable things he needs to go off on his own, and be a husband and a father someday.

So, my little dennis the menace stomp your tiny feet in your room because I garantee you someday you will thank us for these tiny life lessons we are giving you and godspeed when you have mini you's, they will test the living daylights out of you but they will also love you more than you'll ever know and you will love them unconditionally forever and a day.

mommyhood in makeup: Child Lost.

mommyhood in makeup: Child Lost.: My situation is unique. I am not a child of divorce and I am not a child of loss. True, My parents are divorced. True, My dad is alive. Also...

Child Lost.

My situation is unique. I am not a child of divorce and I am not a child of loss. True, My parents are divorced. True, My dad is alive. Also true, he is not allowed to contact me because of the circumstances. It was his bed, he made it, now the family has to lay in its pieces. I guess you could call me a child of abuse, and that wouldn't be a lie. I am twenty five years old, no longer a child and have a child of my own. I am strong now, even on my weakest days, I am strong. So I don't identify with a child of abuse, I am no longer that child. I am a survivor.

But I was lost, I am lost. If you are anything like me you may understand that I needed explanations, and reasons, and scientific backing as to why or how a father could be such a monster. I needed an apology, an admission, my whole life was upside down, shredded, poisoned. My view of myself was tarnished, beaten, and thrown away. I watched friends have their dads at proms,graduations, college drop off, college graduations, weddings....oh the weddings, births of their children, baptisms, father's days, and it shredded me.

My dad is out there, he is alive, and because of what he chose to do there will never be a time or place for those things I longed for that my friends have. I was saddened and some days I still am sad inside, and I guess that may never go away. But I am happy, I am happy that man will never be around me or my child or future children or their's ever. Some days you can't help but being that sad, scared, cowering, confused child and in that moment you are lost.

It is a confusing situation so many emotions, very raw, deep, to the core emotions. One could see how you could get lost in all of it. No matter how lost you get, you need to be able to find your way back out. That is what makes us the survivor that we are, in any type of abusive situation, not just ones like mine.

 It is the support system around us, the love that our friends and family pour on us, the amazing spouses still standing by our sides no matter the baggage we bring. It is the bond between mother and child where no matter what kind of "lost" day we are having they bring us back into the present and it is wondrous. I am always appreciative of the (in my personal opinion amazing) life I call to be mine. Life is good. My love is ever flowing.

A thrifty and delicious way to use pumpkins.

We waited until last minute to get pumpkins this year and by last minute I mean like the week of Halloween. For most people you're probably thinking "that is totally not last minute", but for a neurotic freak such as myself....if we waited any longer I would have panicked.

Planned on doing the pumpkin patch but opted out as to not deal with huge long lines on a weekend. So I took the small Irish prince to a local paint and hardware store that has a huge selection of just about any pumpkin you could think of.

We look around and find two perfect pumpkins and of course his royal highness had to get a miniature pumpkin to bring home and paint. All together this should have been 10.50 but to my surprise it wound up being 5.25. WHAT A SCORE!!!

Get the pumpkins home and prepare to carve after football is over. Tot and I carved a spider pumpkin which wound up looking more like a giant whole than a spider, which is fine because we had a splendid time doing it.... Note to self for next time, make sure the pumpkin is large enough for the template. While I did the harder pieces of his pumpkin he painted his mini and I reveled in how proud he was of himself.

It was late after carving just the one so I separated the seeds from the guts and bagged each seperately for the next day. After carving the second one the next morning( I hand drew captain barnacles from Octonauts) I again separated the innards.

In the afternoon I baked up the seeds Just some olive oil and sea salt for one batch and sea salt and cayenne pepper  for the second batch. I ate them In about a day flat.

Then I made Pumpkin pasta sauce/ "bisque"
Recipe

put all the innards into the food processor until it is a slightly chunky sauce consistency.
Then add enough chicken stock to go around your pot three turn. I then added about a cup of whole milk.  A shake of cinnamon, 4 cloves of garlic minced, a couple shakes of cayenne, a tablespoon of jarred Italian seasoning and about tenleaves of fresh sage chopped up nice and fine.

Let all of the ingredients come to a boil and then simmer for a half hour to an hour then add as much fresh shredded parm cheese and salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over pasta or eat as is!!

Pre-Preschool Fun.

I have had the immense pleasure and pain looking into preschools for our young prince and I have to say, I have found some great contenders. The problem is most won't accept him halfway into the year when he turns three and the two year old programs are just not advanced enough for him.

I am blessed to be a stay at home and we are always up to arts and crafts, counting, abc's, shapes, colors and incorporating learning wherever I can fit it in. It  is really fun to be the one to teach your little one all the things they will need to know for preschool and kindergarten. But as a stay at home or maybe it is just me, I found myself feeling that I needed to do a little more. Maybe structure out the day differently. Cartoons in the mornings will always remain, mama needs time for tea or coffee before leaping into the day ahead. But what does one do to find super awesome homeschool pre-school teaching lessons??? they hop on pinterest of course!!

Mud Hut Mama has a great timeline for a 36 month preschool teaching plan that you can follow straight through or do what you like with it and get this, she is a stay at home mom raising two little girls in an African Wildlife Reserve. While I haven't gotten to read her whole page through we did the week one letter activities today and they were fantastic. Super engaging, cute, and pretty simple for me and my little guy to follow. Tomorrow we are doing the week one salt tray activities but with flour because I have an extra bag of bleached flour that we will never use. http://www.mudhutmama.com/

We did a math/counting activity today using some Thomas the train number flash cards and his prized lego duplos. which involved counting them out and matching them to the number card. He had an absolute blast and that is what matters most besides the learning aspects.

I have some play-doh letter and number activities and also Halloween activities being planned for the upcoming weeks that I can not wait to share, along with some kid friendly cooking recipes. The most rewarding thing in life to me is to be the one to be raising my child, and spending that one on one time watching him grow into a little man. I am ever changing and adapting to his needs as they evolve and to me that is true beauty and happiness in life.

Anxiety sparks Inspiration

I honestly have no clue what has been going on with me lately. I have found myself in some sort of emotional, anxiety infused slump. I have battled this as long as I can remember and have been told by more than one therapists I have strong OCD tendencies. When I met Chris he was so relaxed and fun and I was/ am so uptight and particular. For a few weeks now I have been feeling blah but filled with jittery nerves. I thought this would be a good time to let go of having to have a clean house all the time, or letting the kitchen go until the morning/afternoon. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! This did nothing but make me feel worse, twitchy, jumpy, drained, nervous, irritated, agitated, and simply anything but happy.

All of these feelings made me honestly reflect where I am and where I want to be as a person for myself and for my family. And simply I want it all. I want a clean house, to do lots of home cooking, to be home with our son, to be the best spouse possible, to be fun but to keep all my odd ticks,workout, look good,  and to start looking for schools to complete an education and have something to do when my little guy eventually goes off to school.

I do much better in life with a full plate than a bunch of unused idle time. When I thought about what I wrote in my yearbook as to where I would be in 10 years I said " married, with kids, and that I would own a spa" I basically have two of the three things I wanted to accomplish so well done Sam (pats self on back) But I have done nothing for myself career or education wise.

Cosmetology was my life, my passion, my happy place in high school. I graduated with good grades and I was pretty good if I do say so myself. But when I went to college I never found the time to take the state exam....DUMB GIRL!!! Now seven years later I have the burning desire again to go back, study hard and take the exam all while getting my education is Aesthetics. Now I am feeling  inspired, and searching schools, gathering as much information as I can ( I wouldn't be me without lists, and notes, and research and more lists and a ball of excitement, nerves and yes, even dread in the bottom of my stomach)

 I am thankful for all of the anxieties I have been feeling because it has sparked a fire in me that I was too afraid to light for so long. It has made me reevaluate my outlook, my purpose, my overall self.
This little mama is going to make her dreams come true even if it takes me another 10,20,30, even 40 years. I have a supportive man in my life and a good set of support outside of him now that I did not have before. I have an amazingly beautiful son who shows me everyday that you can be whatever and whoever you choose, he is my greatest lesson in life.

What being a mom means to me

First off I would not be a mother if it was not for my son's father. He has given me the best gift anyone could ever receive and for that I will always be eternally grateful. I also have to thank him for giving me the second best gift in the world (in my opinion) which is the ability to be a stay at home mother for the past two years.

Being a mom means many things to many different moms out there, and as women we are often too harsh on others who choose to parent differently out of necessity or otherwise.

So here is my rundown of good motherly traits

Nutrition: whether you breast or bottle feed you are doing a great job.
whether you give your kids all organic, homemade, takeout, non organic anything, or just give                       them what they want so they are fed and can grow....you are doing a great job keep it up. If they                   are fed and growing and are happy it is a win-win.

Working or Staying home: Some moms stay home and it is a wonderful experience that I myself get to enjoy and I wish every mom that wanted that ability could be home with their precious children. Some women work because they have to and they are doing an amazing thing for their families, I commend you. Some women choose to work because they need the time out of the home, to do something for themselves, to provide cushion cash, to socialize with other adults, and I applaud you for knowing you need that time for yourself.

Mommies who know doing what is best by their child is the right thing, those who let their imaginations blossom and encourage play and fun. A woman who isn't afraid to look silly just to see their child happy. A woman who knows that they don't always come first after having a child and is never resentful towards them. Someone who knows the importance of taking care of ones self or they will be unable to care for another. One who will move mountains for their children. One who is first and foremost a  parent and friend last. Someone who makes an open safe environment for communication. Knows when and where to to use tough love and when you need to be more soft and gentle. A mother who lets their dreams flourish and never tells them a dream is too big or small. A woman who cares deeply enough about the father to never speak ill of them around the child or in a public setting no matter the circumstances, this is toxic to your child in my humble and quite possibly wrong opinion. Someone who makes their child self sufficient and unafraid to fly the nest when it's time.  A mom who knows the importance of patience even if we don't always have it.Which brings me to acknowledging flaws; no one mother is perfect, it is impossible to ever say that we are but knowing where we need to improve in life or actions we need to correct even if its just saying "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" can do wonders for a person's life.

With all of my silly opinions being said I would love to wish all of the Mom's out there a most wonderful and happy Mother's Day. May it be filled with love, appreciation, and joy and that you are surrounded by loved ones. Keep up the great work Mamas !!